 Two
basic rules for road trips:
The Road Trip Dining Rule: Always eat at local restaurants, avoiding
chains and fast food establishments unless severe hunger or necessity dictates
otherwise.
The Road Trip Hot Guy Rule: Never agree to make out with/sleep
with/take home anyone who doesn't have an accent. Interesting people
have accents.
After a night of dancing at the local nightclubs, neither Erik nor I
were early to rise. I called the front desk at 10:00 AM to see if
I had one or two more hours to sleep before hired goons threw us into the
street. Once we pulled ourselves out of bed, showered and dressed,
we wandered down the street to Beverly's Pancake Corner, a gosh-honest
local diner. Gum chewing waitresses worked the counter while cooks
in stained uniform shirts flipped eggs and pancakes. When Erik declined
hash browns and toast, the waitress offered sliced tomatoes.
 Oklahoma
is the only state I know of with pro-life license plates. The smiling,
crayon-illustrated face of child peers out between license numbers to announce
"Choose Life". Oklahoma, like many of the southern states, is filled
with irony. The interstate highways are lined with billboards offering
both the grace of God and the services of adult dancers. Each exit
leads to a church and a XXX video store. Even the trucks lined up
outside Big Joe's Porno Emporium sport little chrome fish on the bumpers.
Interspersed with the campaigns of the religious and the vulgar are
the military recruiting ads. An hour on the Oklahoma Turnpike and
it is easy to understand why our country's enlisted ranks are filled with
a disproportionate number of the poor and confused.
From Arizona to Missouri, small towns struggling to survive have turned
to marketing tourist kitsch. This is an easy proposition for towns
along the former Route 66. We passed the Official Route 66 Museum,
the National Route 66 Museum, the Official Oklahoma Route 66 Museum, the
National Oklahoma Route 66 Museum and a dozen others. We never stopped
but I cannot imagine enough nostalgia exists to support all of these endeavors.
 I
grew up next to Route 66 and I remember a number of roadside attractions
pointed to the future. Geometric domes sheltered futuristic restaurants
and attractions pointed to a future when cars flew and we all lived in
houses with smiling maids. Roadside attractions now either point
to the past or to God. Maybe we've come so far the future is not
so exciting or maybe we subconsciously realize the future looks pretty
grim. In either case, our country seems to be looking backward and
upward and never forward.
Halfway across Oklahoma we encounter an attraction that caused me to
violate The Road Trip Dining Rule: The World's Largest McDonald's
restaurant. The giant concrete building straddles the Oklahoma Turnpike
and offers access from stained parking lots on either side of the road.
Tractor trailers zoom underneath while overfed people watch from plastic
seats.
Erik is less than excited about eating at The World's Largest McDonald's.
But, I haven't the benefit of sleeping last night off for the last several
hours and I'm driving. The person with the keys decides where to
stop.
 A
set of stairs ascends to the second-story dining area. A gaggle of
women bent on increasing their substantial waistlines wait for the elevator
to transport them twelve feet higher. Aside from straddling a freeway,
the McDonald's is not very impressive. The floors are sticky, the
food tastes like the trays it is served on, and the customers look like
cattle waiting in a feed yard for their eventual slaughter and processing.
Despite my best efforts to convince Erik of the value of having visited
The World's Largest McDonald's, he gives me heavy-lidded look and returns
to the Element.
Late in the day we arrive in St. Louis. The Gateway Arch is visible
from our window. It is Saturday night and if we can gather the energy,
we may attempt to visit the local nightclubs. Or, we may collapse
with HBO and ponder - momentarily - what we are missing.
Where
are we headed tomorrow? We are not certain. Tonight we
have to reroute the second part of Road Trip 2004.
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Beverly's Pancake Corner
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Beverly's Pancake Corner
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The World's Largest McDonald's
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The World's Largest McDonald's
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|
Sounds of Coming
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St. Louis
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;)
;)
;)
;)
;)
;)
;)
